I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize