im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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