You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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