You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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