Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
