chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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