And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize