Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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