You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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