i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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