i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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