before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize