She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize