Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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