I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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