If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize