life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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