i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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