So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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