im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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