Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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