Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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