I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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