I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize