He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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