dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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