bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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