so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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