wakey wakey hands off snakey
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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