That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
