Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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