if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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