I didn't shave. On purpose
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
