i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this boner is exhausting
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
