I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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