I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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