Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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