If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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