There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize