I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize