My Higher Power is John Stamos
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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