what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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