hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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