dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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