You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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