I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Green mimosas i think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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