I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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