I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He passed out mid-signature
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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