So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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