I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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