I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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