I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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